Monday, November 3, 2014

Know Better, Do Better, and Save Others Along the Way

I spent my whole pregnancy researching the best ways to bring my son into this world with the minimum amount of stress.  I spent countless hours in creating the "perfect" birthing plan. Strategically planning how I was going to enforce delayed cord clamping and making sure we had our "golden hour".

Not once did I stop and think about the quick "yes" my husband and I gave during the 8 week pregnancy confirmation appointment. We didn't even give it a thought. I followed what others had done and based our decision on what my husband's penis looks like.

I had joined an uncensored mom group because of my modern way of mothering. I commented my views on circumcision not knowing how it was viewed in the group. I didn't know that there was a growing opposition within the United States and how the majority of the world leaves males intact.

I became more defensive with each bit of information I started receiving. I knew it was my guilt coming to the surface. I didn't want to see that I had made a mistake.

After repeatedly being told to watch a video I did. That was the worst night of my life. In the glow of my smartphone I wept uncontrollably. Hating myself and heartbroken. Angered that no one told me that it was cruel and unnecessary.

The day of my son's circumcision came back to me. I blocked out the look of terror and betrayal in his eyes. I remembered the lie the nurse fed me to make me feel better. The lie: "he didn't even cry". The sudden latching issues (or lack of) that began happening after his circumcision made sense.

I knew I could never correct the wrong I did to my son but I knew I could make up for it somehow. I began educating myself so I could educate others.

At first, I was only comfortable with speaking out against circumcision in private Facebook groups.

Then one day everything changed. I really wanted to start making a difference.  I shared my story on my Facebook page. I began planting the seed. From that moment, I haven't looked back and I keep moving forward.

I describe myself as an intactivist. I am gentle to my approach.  I've been there. I was ignorant.  I was misinformed.  I was uneducated. I live in a 80% circumcision rate area so there are rarely questions because no one ever thinks of asking them.

Each baby I save, I hate myself a little less. The regret becomes bearable.

Know better, do better and save others along the way.


If you'd like to share your story, please email it to

The Unnecessary Trauma My Son Endured

When I was pregnant, I struggled with the "do I want to circumcise my son" question. In my heart, I knew I didn't want to, but I had absolutely no one to support me. Everyone told me to do it or my son would hate me. I know I shouldn't have listened but I did, the pressure was so overwhelming that I thought my instincts were wrong and everyone else was right.

The pediatrician we picked refused to do circumcisions and while that should have been a red flag for me, I didn't think anything of it and had to get a referral to another clinic and wait until my son was 3 months old. Again, I struggled. I didn't want to, but was pressured to by everyone around me. Again, they made me feel I was wrong, my instincts were wrong.

At the clinic they reassured me everything would be fine. They took my little baby into the other room. I heard him screaming and I cried and cried. They brought him back to me and told me "he just wanted his mommy" like he wasn't in pain. Doctors lie to parents like this because no one wants to here their baby was in excruciating pain.

On the way home, my son would not stop screaming. It was so horrible and I knew then I made a horrible mistake. My instincts had been right all along and I should have listened to them!

When we finally got home, I went to change his diaper. There was blood everywhere. I freaked out of course. My son was still screaming and I immediately took him to the ER. They sent me to the doctor, right across the parking lot. I was outraged! My son was bleeding! Why weren't they seeing me? The doctor had to squeeze his penis (to apply pressure so it would stop bleeding) and CHEMICALLY BURN my poor baby boys penis to close the cut. The whole time (it took five whole minutes) he was looking at me as if saying "Help me mommy!" It was the worse day of my life. All it takes is 2 ounces of blood loss from a newborn for them to hemorrhage and pass.

I regret getting my son circumcised. Not just because I experienced trauma with it, but because my son went through such a horrific experience. I should have trusted my instincts. I took away HIS choice. My son survived but others aren't so lucky. Don't let your baby become another statistic.


If you have a story you'd like to share, email it to

Please watch this video on Infant and Child Deaths by Circumcision. They are grossly under reported and unchallenged.